Deep Sea Baby

Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin ↑

"You know what? Not all dreams come true. 

(好吧滿蠢的　都幾歲了但我還是要承認我相信聖誕老人)


總是覺得還要很久才會面臨到的事常常很快就來了
 
總是覺得還要很久才會長大但某一天突然就長大了
 
總是覺得一定會這麼的單純下去但突然就不單純了

 
才發現我沒有真的長大過　但我還是真的有在長大

 
十歲的時候我說　我長大了會帶弟弟回家
 
十三歲的時候我說　我長大了可以自己支配零用錢
 
十五歲的時候我說　我長大了就像我從前嚮往的高中姐姐們一樣開始了人生新的一頁
 
十八歲的時候我說　我長大了可以看限制級電影了
 
二十歲的時候我說　我長大了我會思考我想做的不想做的然後我必須承擔這些
 

我很緩慢又很快的長大　很快又很緩慢的領悟長大

來了國外我又長大了　長得比之前都快

大到足以了解不是只要保持開朗的心世界就永遠是快樂的
 
也了解生活其實是枯燥乏味又多采多姿的


如果可以　我想要一直長大到八十歲

在內心裡一直產生新的衝擊

才能感覺自己活著　才能感覺自己存在的意義

This time I see him, after a long time apart, I am struck by how real he is.

I marvel at the texture of his hair, being able to run my fingers through it and fluff up his bangs; his gentle, brown eyes; the warmth of his flesh; the comforting smell of his body and his clothes; the clearness and closeness of his voice, unadulterated by Internet connections and unfiltered by the reception of cell phones; how strong he is now that he wraps around me when I move to embrace him and dwarfs me, encloses me. 

I hold his hands again. As I interlock my fingers with his, our palms meet like old friends. I almost forget how nuanced they were - he contours of his face. These details had faded from my memory after countless video conversations, where all I could see were his head and shoulders, a simple frontal view where the image is grainy and the audio lags.